The Ultimate Fashion Faux Pas
by ilovetoread38
Summary: Thor's date with Jane is hindered by one crucial issue - Thor won't wear a bow tie. Enter Steve Rogers: leader, fighter, and . . . fashion expert? Sometimes being friends with a demigod really stretches your areas of expertise. Steve&Thor friendship fic.


The knock on his door is not totally unexpected, but Steve does wonder why Thor chose _him_ for this endeavor. It should have been Tony or Bruce or even Natasha, who's been known to take pity on Thor in regards to his assimilation into American culture. At least Thor didn't choose Clint; Steve shudders to think of what would happen if Thor had chosen the archer to ask for help. Women would probably be running screaming down the streets at the sight of him. Jane would probably laugh. Same thing, really.

Tonight was Thor's date with Jane, who had been in New Mexico for nearly three months while Thor had been on Asgard for the past two. He had missed her dearly, and was prone to professing his devotion to his girlfriend loudly at anyone who passed him in the tower. He had already sent her two-dozen roses, a dozen for each year that he had known her, and a box of chocolates in preparation for the upcoming date. He was nervous, but the Avengers were pleased to see that he could not stop smiling. And his smile was infectious – even Natasha managed to laugh more than usual. All in all, Steve was happy for his friend, but he could not for the life of him understand why Thor was coming to him for fashion advice.

It always happened before one of Thor's dates. The problem wasn't that he didn't know how to match clothing, for Tony had stocked his closets with bunches of perfectly acceptable outfits that would be considered date-worthy. The problem was that he didn't know how to put the outfit together. Cuff links became tassels for his hair. Belts never made it through the belt loops. And the tie – good Lord, the _tie_ – was simply tied around his neck. In a knot. That looked absolutely nothing like how a tie was supposed to look. Steve shakes his head as he moves to open the door. He doesn't know if he's willing to spend fifteen minutes trying to undo another knot. He has scissors in his desk drawer of his office. Yes, he'll use those. Tony can keep Thor stocked with enough ties to last a lifetime anyway.

Steve opens the door and is surprised to see Thor looking relatively . . . normal. His hair is combed back (and cuff link-free), his dark blue suit is neatly pressed, his shoes shine. Even his bowtie is tied perfectly - Natasha's work, Steve guesses. He would look perfectly ready for his date if he didn't have such an agonized expression on his face.

"Steven, it is a disaster," Thor says, striding into the room.

His tone sounds close to panic, and Steve has never seen him so upset. "Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong?"

"What is _wrong_?" Thor thunders, and Steve swears the lights flicker. "Look at my apparel!"

Steve stares blankly at him. "I don't get it. The suit is nice."

Thor sighs dramatically. "Yes, Anthony has provided me a wardrobe worthy of an Asgardian, but the Lady Natasha has seen fit to ruin my warrior's façade!"

A pause. "I still don't get it." Thor could pass for James Bond. Yes, Tony has shown Steve the James Bond movies. All twenty three of them. _In a row_.

"Why does the Lady wish to emasculate me with _this contraption_?" Thor implores, pointing vigorously at his bowtie. "It is not worthy of a Prince of Asgard. It looks preposterous."

Steve bursts out laughing. He can't help it. To him, bowties are just a symbol of class, not a symbol of emasculation. He guesses that some things just don't cross cultures. Or dimensions. Same thing.

"Why do you laugh? I have said nothing funny."

"Thor, it's just a bowtie."

"_That_ is the name for this vile piece of silk? A _bowtie_?"

"Yes, and it serves the same purpose as a tie."

"But it is not the same thing?"

"No," Steve concedes slowly, "I guess it's not."

"Then get it off me at once," Thor orders, but it comes out like a plea.

Steve concedes, laughing as he undoes the intricate bow that Nat probably easily knotted in a couple of seconds. As soon as the small strip of fabric is removed from his neck, Thor lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Steven."

"Any time, buddy."

Steve turns back to his bed, ready to finish off his book before he and Clint head down to the gym for a nighttime sparring session with Clint's partner, Bobbi, when he hears Thor clear his throat.

Steve turns. "Yeah, Thor?"

"Silver or red?"

"Excuse me?"

Thor holds up two different colored ties. Steve doesn't even know where they came from, for he didn't see them in Thor's hands when the demigod arrived. Strange. "Silver or red?"

If Thor didn't have such a serious look on his face, Steve would have laughed again. But Steve Rogers can tell when something is really important to his friends, and this seems to be one of those times. So Steve contemplates the two ties carefully before replying, "Silver."

Steve reaches out for the tie without being asked, and quickly ties the knot. He straightens it and then steps back, giving Thor a once-over. Satisfied, he smiles. "I think Jane will love it."

"Truly?"

"Of course."

Thor beams at him, and all is well again in Thor-world. Thor heads for the door, but before exiting he turns back and calls, "Steven?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for your assistance. I shudder to think what the Lady Jane would have thought of me had she seen me in such a state."

"Then be glad she'll never find out."

Thor nods and exits. Steve goes back to reading his book. He knows that later tonight, after he showers from the gym and has settled into bed with Nat, that he'll hear the booming voice of a man in love showing Jane the renovations to his rooms in Stark Tower. He knows that the next day he'll see Thor and Jane cuddled together on the couch, watching a movie that Thor will love and Jane will have seen a hundred times beforehand. These things he knows because he has come to expect them following Thor and Jane's reunions.

What he doesn't expect is the scent of something burning the next day. And he certainly doesn't expect to rush out to the living room to see a dozen silk bowties burning in the fireplace with Thor standing in front of it, wearing a look of utter repulsion. Steve expects none of these things to wake him up the next morning.

But he can't say that he blames Thor.

He hates bowties, too.


End file.
